Team MemeHeist 
Welcome to the uproarious realm of funny drunk jokes, where laughter and good times abound like an endless stream of drinks. Whether you’re a seasoned sipper or just dipping your toe in, these jokes will keep the entertainment flowing and your spirits soaring. Join us on this rollicking adventure as we uncover a trove of side-splitting, lighthearted jokes that celebrate the hilarious moments of the drinking experience. So grab a seat, raise a glass, and let the laughter wash over you as we toast to the joyous and comical side of imbibing!
Funny Drunk Jokes
Why don’t scientists trust atoms when they’re drunk?
Because they make up everything!
What did the grape say to the wine enthusiast?
“Stop wining and start drinking!”
Why did the drunk go to the movie theater?
Because he heard they were serving spirits!
What do you call a drunk dinosaur?
A stegosip-drunk-us!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he wanted to reach new heights of intoxication!
What do you get if you cross a drunkard with a jigsaw puzzle?
A stumbling block!
Why did the drunkard go to the library?
To find a book on sobering up, but he couldn’t even read the first chapter!
What did one beer bottle say to the other at the party?
“You’re my pint of interest!”
Why did the drunk fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite exercise?
Bar-crawling!
Why did the drunkard go to the liquor store in a helicopter?
He wanted to lift his spirits!
What do you call a drunkard who becomes a detective?
Sherlock Moans!
Why don’t skeletons get drunk at parties?
Because they have no body to drink with!
What did the drunkard say when he saw his ex at the bar?
“I’ve had enough spirits for one lifetime, I don’t need any ghosts from the past!”
How does a drunkard fish?
With a bottle of rum and some baited breath!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
What do you call a group of drunkards singing in harmony?
A choralcohol ensemble!
Why did the drunkard try to take a nap on the ceiling?
He thought he could sleep it off upside down!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of dance?
The swaying two-step!
Why don’t drunkards ever gamble at the zoo?
Because they can’t handle cheetahs!
Why did the beer go to art school?
It wanted to become a master of fermentation!
What’s the difference between a drunkard and a snowman?
The drunkard doesn’t mind when the weather gets slushy!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
He wanted to reach new heights of intoxication!
How do you know if a drunkard has been using your computer?
There’s beer in the keyboard and whiskey in the mouse!
Why did the drunkard get kicked out of the library?
He couldn’t keep his voice down, especially when reading the “spirits” section!
What did the bartender say to the drunkard who asked for a shot of electricity?
“Sorry, we only serve spirits here!”
What’s a drunkard’s favorite kind of exercise?
The stumble and mumble!
Why did the drunkard take a job at the bakery?
He heard they kneaded help with the dough!
What did the drunkard say when he accidentally spilled his beer?
“No use crying over spilt lager!”
How do you make a small fortune in the wine industry?
Start with a large fortune and give it to a drunkard!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms when they’re drunk?
Because they make up everything!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house!
What did the grape say to the drunkard?
“You wine a lot!”
How did the drunkard introduce himself at the wine tasting?
“I’m Shirazly good at this!”
What do you call a drunkard who thinks he’s a comedian?
A “punch” drunk!
Why did the drunkard bring a dog to the bar?
He wanted to prove he could hold his licker!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of shoe?
Booze!
Why did the drunkard go to the liquor store with a ladder?
He heard they had high spirits!
What did the bartender say to the drunkard who asked for a martini?
“Olive your jokes!”
Why did the drunkard go to the dentist?
He heard they had “crown” and “whiskey” teeth!
What do you call a drunkard who’s lost all his money?
A “brew”-sader!
Why did the drunkard take his shoes off at the bar?
He wanted to feel “foot”-loose!
What did the drunkard say to the lamp post?
“You’re the light of my life!”
How does a drunkard order his drinks?
On the “rocks”!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the party?
He wanted to reach new “heights”!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of math?
“Alco-holgebra”!
Why did the drunkard go to the gym?
He wanted to work on his “beer” muscles!
What do you call a drunkard with a map?
Lost!
Why did the drunkard get kicked out of the casino?
He was caught “cheers”-ing the cards!
Recommended: Funny Last Day of School Jokes
What did the drunkard say to the bartender?
“Pour me another glass of giggles!”
Why did the drunkard bring a pillow to the party?
In case he needed a “booze”!
What do you call a drunkard who’s also a chef?
A “sous”-ed chef!
Why did the drunkard become a banker?
He wanted to make some “spirits” rise!
How did the drunkard find his way home?
He followed the “beer”-ad signs!
What did the drunkard say when he couldn’t find his keys?
“I’m locked out of sobriety!”
Why did the drunkard bring a can opener to the party?
He heard there would be “can”-dles!
What do you call a drunkard who can solve complex equations?
A “brilliant” mess!
Why did the drunkard bring a hairdryer to the bar?
He wanted to “blow off” some steam!
What did the drunkard say to the bartender who cut him off?
“You’re pouring cold sobriety on my fun!”
Why did the drunkard become a musician?
He heard it was a “spirited” career!
What did the drunkard say to the taxi driver?
“Take me to cloud wine!”
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
To reach the “high spirits”!
How do you know when a drunkard has had enough?
When they start trying to dial their own “sobriety helpline”!
What do you call a drunkard who’s lost all his money?
A “broke and fermented” individual!
Why did the drunkard go to the gym?
To “wine and tone”!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of dance?
The “tipsy two-step”!
Why did the drunkard bring a snorkel to the party?
Just in case the drinks got “over-flowing”!
What did the drunkard say to the bottle of whiskey?
“You make my heart “whisk-key”!”
Why did the drunkard become an artist?
To explore the “intoxi-canvas” of creativity!
How do you make a drunkard’s day?
“Pour” on the compliments!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite exercise?
“Bar”-bell curls!
Why did the drunkard become a baker?
To experience the joy of “mix-ing spirits”!
How did the drunkard find his way home?
By following the “beer” signs!
What do you call a drunkard with a sense of humor?
A “giggly gulper”!
Why did the drunkard bring a pillow to the bar?
To catch some “wasted” dreams!
What’s a drunkard’s favorite kind of music?
“Intoxi-tunes”!
Why did the drunkard become an actor?
To embrace the art of “improvis-sip-ation”!
How does a drunkard do math?
By “intoxi-counting”!
What did the drunkard say when he saw his ex at the party?
“Looks like my drink just got stronger!”
Why did the drunkard bring an umbrella to the bar?
In case it started “pour”-ing shots!
Why did the drunkard take a nap in the vineyard?
He wanted to “wine down” and relax!
What do you call a drunkard who can juggle?
A “tipsy tosser”!
Why did the drunkard become a comedian?
He had a natural talent for “booze-ing” up the crowd!
How do you know if a drunkard is an aspiring musician?
He’s always “raising the bar”!
What did the drunkard say when he couldn’t find his beer?
“I’ve been searching ale over for it!”
Why did the drunkard go to the seafood buffet?
He wanted to “sea-food” after a night of drinking!
What do you call a drunkard who’s also a handyman?
A “hammered carpenter”!
Why did the drunkard take up gardening?
He enjoyed watching the “sprouts” after a night of watering!
What do you call a drunkard with a broken leg?
A “spirited hop-along”!
Why did the drunkard become a barber?
He loved giving “buzzed” haircuts!
What did the drunkard say when he couldn’t find his car keys?
“Looks like I’ve misplaced my sobriety!”
Why did the drunkard become a chef?
He had a knack for adding a “dash” of wine to every dish!
How did the drunkard end up on the roof?
He wanted to reach new “heights” of intoxication!
What do you call a drunkard with a sense of adventure?
A “spirited explorer”!
Why did the drunkard bring a map to the party?
So he could navigate through his “drink-ventures”!
What did the drunkard say when he accidentally spilled his drink?
“I guess I’m just a “splash” dancer!”
Why did the drunkard become a pilot?
He enjoyed “taking off” to new heights of inebriation!
How did the drunkard become a weather forecaster?
He loved predicting “hazy” and “drizzle-y” conditions!
What do you call a drunkard with a green thumb?
A “tipsy gardener”!
Why did the drunkard become a magician?
He could turn a glass of water into “whiskey” with a wave of his wand!
Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar?
He wanted to “climb the spirits” and reach for the top shelf!