Team MemeHeist 
Laughter is often the best medicine, and when it comes to adult humor, dirty jokes have a way of delivering the perfect dose. In this no-holds-barred collection, we’ve gathered 69 uncensored dirty jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone and push the boundaries of your sense of humor. So, get ready to chuckle, cringe, and maybe even blush a little as we delve into the world of humor that’s strictly for grown-ups.
Best Dirty Jokes
What is 6.9?
A good thing messed up by a period.
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What happens if you put a nut into a microwave?
You pinch the other one with the door.
A husband and son were getting competitive while playing games.
The husband said, “I f#cked your mom.”
To which the son replied, “I have been deeper inside her than you’ll ever be.”
Did you hear about the guy who didn’t know what to wear to his premature ejaculation support group?
So he just came in his pants.
What’s the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?
One goes ba dum tiss, the other is da bum kiss.
What’s the most sensitive part of a man’s body during masturbation?
His ears.
What’s the opposite of young, dumb, and full of cum?
Old, smart, and can’t trust a fart.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and Pornhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
Did you hear about a family who is really worried about grandfather’s viagra addiction?
Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
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What did the boyfriend say when he caught his GF cheating on him with her personal trainer?
“This isn’t working out.”
If having sex for money makes you a whore then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit whoreganisation.
How did the foot fetishist cheat on his girlfriend?
He got off on the wrong foot.
What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What is the difference between a prostitute, a mistress, and a wife?
The Prostitute says, “Are you finished yet?”
The Mistress says, “You’re not done already, are you?”
The Wife says, “Beige… I think I’ll paint the ceiling Beige.”
Why should we ban yo mama jokes?
They’re old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times. Just like yo momma.
Why doesn’t the vampire’s girlfriend worry about getting pregnant?
Vampires need permission to come inside.
What do you get if you cross an owl with a rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
What do strippers have instead of air conditioning in their houses?
Onlyfans.
Did you hear about the new nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction?
It was a total flop because nobody came.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover up their butt quacks.
What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?
Kicked out of SeaWorld.
Who was the Greek god of cleavage?
Paratitties.
Why do sperm cells look like commas & apostrophes?
They often interrupt periods & lead to contractions.
When 2 people have sex, it’s a twosome. When 3 people have sex, its a threesome, orgy with a whole lot of people is wholesome, so what do you call it when it’s alone?
Handsome.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
How do you get four old ladies to say f#ck?
Get the fifth one to say – Bingo.
What do you call a handjob from Albert Einstein?
A stroke of genius.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because she outgrew her B shells.
What do you call that one teacher who excels at giving BJs?
A headmaster.
What do you call a zombie’s butt?
Deadass.
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
Because they have cotton balls.
What do you call the fetish that some have for northern Europeans?
A vikink.
What do you call a turtle with an erection?
Slow Poke.
What do you call having an erection at a funeral?
Mourning wood.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Cause it got stuck in a crack.
What do a vibrator and soy protein have in common?
They’re both meat replacements.
What do you call a woman who sells her body for lasagna?
A pasta-tute.
How does a nude artist get paid?
Exposure.
What do you call an angry nut?
A pissedachio.
What do a forest fire and herpes have in common?
Both most likely started with a careless match on tinder.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotopus.
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?
The Head nurse
What do you do when you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body?
You pull out.
What do tofu and a vibrator have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
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Did you hear about the guy who died because he was erect for too long?
They couldn’t close his casket.
What did the guy say when he got caught playing with himself to an optical illusion?
It’s not what it looks like!
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!
Why did the white goo cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
About three inches.
In a lesbian relationship, which one cooks?
Neither, they eat out.
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
“Is it in?”
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A Master Baiter.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
Are you my new boss?
Because you just gave me a raise.
Is your name winter?
Because you’ll be coming soon.
Are you a trampoline?
Because I want to bounce on you.
Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
“Better hold onto your nuts; this is no ordinary blowjob”.
My friend met a male p*rn actor the other day.
“She told me he was really c*cky.”
It’s not that the man didn’t know how to juggle…
“He just didn’t have the balls to do it.”
What are the best-selling Disney s*x toys?
“Woody and Buzz.”
What did Genie say to Aladdin?
“Rub me three times and I will come.”
What do V*agra and Disney Land have in common?
“They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.”
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